Post a Joke
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Thread: Post a Joke

  1. #1
    Senior Member good dog's Avatar
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    Post a Joke

    A place for humour, post nicely, minimal swearing, preferably censored (we get it) and enjoy a chuckle or two.
    Borrorowed a couple of faves from SF.org, you may have heard them before.

    An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall.
    They were amazed by everything they saw,
    but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart
    and then slide back together again.

    The boy asked, "What is this, Father?"
    The father (never having seen an elevator) responded,
    "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life,
    I don't know what it is."

    While the boy and his father were watching with amazement,
    a fat old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls
    and pressed a button.
    The walls opened and the lady rolled between them
    into a small room.
    The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small
    circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
    They continued to watch until it reached the last number
    and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

    Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous,
    voluptuous 24 year old blonde woman stepped out.

    The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman,
    said quietly to his son...
    "Go get your mother."

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  3. #2
    Senior Member good dog's Avatar
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    Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor.
    Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints by QANTAS pilots and the corrective action recorded by mechanics. By the way, QANTAS is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

    P Stands for the problem the pilots entered in the log. S Stands for the corrective action taken by the service mechanics.

    P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
    S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

    P: Test flight OK, except auto land very rough.
    S: Auto land not installed on this aircraft.

    P: Something loose in cockpit.
    S: Something tightened in cockpit.

    P: Dead bugs on windshield.
    S: Live bugs on back order.

    P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
    S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    S: Evidence removed.

    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
    S: DME volume set to more believable level.

    P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
    S: That's what they're there for!

    P: IFF inoperative.
    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

    P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
    S: Suspect you're right.

    P: Number 3 engine missing. (Note:this was for a piston-engined airplane; the pilot meant the engine was not running smoothly)
    S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

    P: Aircraft handles funny.
    S: Aircraft warned to straighten up,fly right, and be serious.

    P: Radar hums.
    S: Reprogrammed radar with words.

    P: Mouse in cockpit.
    S: Cat installed
    __________________

  4. #3
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    LOL! With such rebellious mechanics, I'm surprised that Qantus has not had an accident!

    In my younger days, I used to have trouble making decisions. Now I'm not so sure.

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  6. #4
    Senior Member Sandi's Avatar
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    Very very funny. I am enjoying this thread!
    Sandi
    "Cherie"
    MY12 XV 2.0i-S CVT
    Deep Cherry Pearl

    “Bluey”
    MY16 OUTBACK 3.6R CVT

    Lapis Blue Pearl

  7. #5
    Senior Member good dog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sandi View Post
    Very very funny. I am enjoying this thread!
    Well c'mon you must have a few to share

  8. #6
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    A traveller is checking in for his flight. As he loads his bag onto the weigh-scale, he says to the attendant "I'm going to Dubai, but I'd like you to send my bag to Darwin". She says "Why Sir, thats not possible!". "Hah" says the traveller, "of course it is, you did it last time!"

  9. #7
    Senior Member Sandi's Avatar
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    Last edited by Sandi; 10-12-2012 at 04:02 AM.
    Sandi
    "Cherie"
    MY12 XV 2.0i-S CVT
    Deep Cherry Pearl

    “Bluey”
    MY16 OUTBACK 3.6R CVT

    Lapis Blue Pearl

  10. #8

  11. #9
    The guest speaker at a paranormal conference asks the assembled audience "Has any body ever make love to a ghost" ......
    You sir, in the third row, you have had sex with a ghost?

    "Oh GHOST ..... sorry I thought you said Goat!"

  12. #10
    Senior Member good dog's Avatar
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    I met my boss in the parking lot. I noticed his brand new Mercedes.

    "That's a nice new car you have there.", I said to him

    "Yes, and you know what? If you work hard, really apply yourself, put in those extra hours, next year I will be able to afford a better one."
    _

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